The dress

This dress is what I was wearing when on a work trip in D.C. about three years ago. If you have never been to D.C. you may not know this but you walk, A LOT. By the last day my feet were swollen, I had blisters, but yet for some reason after training I still went out with my co-worker to walk around and sight see. On the way back I was having trouble walking. I was worn out, unfit, and just in pain. As we were walking a guy, just some random person, rides by on his bike and says, "Just keep walking that baby will come right out!" To me, he said that to me. My co-worker went off about it saying she wish he was walking so that she could have told him off. Of course I was hurt and felt like a whale but the worst part was that I couldn't have argued with him. I wasn't pregnant but I saw why he said that. A person should never say that to someone but in his mind he thought, "this poor pregnant woman is in pain from being pregnant I'll say something encouraging to her to help her walk." In fact I was a poor fat woman in pain from her thighs rubbing together and blisters on my feet. His comment hurt way way deeper then he will ever know but it also made me start to take control of me.

That was in the early spring. Later that spring I went to a doctor and we discussed why I was gaining weight only in my middle. I thought maybe I had cortisol hormone issues, it was slightly high but after another check it was fine. He advised me to eat 1200-1400 calories a day. I was so so so grateful for both of my doctors who helped me, my primary care physician and my endocrinologist who advised the calorie counting. (So if you need an endocrinologist in TN Vandy all the way!) I took that and downloaded myfitnesspal app. Then I went and joined a gym. I made myself workout as much as I could and then when that gym closed I went and joined another one. I told myself over and over this is what you need and want. I made myself go to the fitness classes when I could and also use the machines. My first time at the second gym I was nervous like it was my first day of school. These guys were working out and all fit but I just told myself,"They don't know you they aren't looking at you, and we are all here for the same reasons."

 Now two years later I have made friends with my gym members, go to classes often, eat right, and try to really take care of myself. I haven't reached my goal weight or inches yet but it doesn't matter. I have been so blessed for all my new friends and support I have received since starting this journey.

I feel like maybe this is my last step, minus continuing to work out and eat right. This step is getting rid of the dress that every time I see it in my closet or wear I think of that guy on the bike. Since he said that I have worn it once. I wore it after I lost weight and people complimented it and me and how nice I looked but I kept thinking of what he said. I can't hold on to that anymore. So this is my final goodbye to that dress and that unhealthy version of me.




L.